Judith Viorst–well known children’s book author and poet–could have titled Making the Best of What’s Left…A Guide to Widowhood instead. Viorst is 94 years old and a realist.
“Milton, my husband of almost sixty-three years, died in December 2022. He wasn’t supposed to die before me–I told him this was something he COULD NOT DO– but when did he listen? I write, in this book, about widowhood, but I also want to explore the challenges that I and the people I’ve talked with…dealing with these years beyond age eighty, in what I’m calling the Final Fifth of Life” (years 80 to 100). (p. 1)
Viorst explores options in housing–depending on health. She deals with loneliness. Health issues get a comprehensive analysis. Is there romance after 80? Viorst thinks so.
Viorst counsels not to wait too long to say the things that you need to. And to show how you feel about the people in your life before it’s too late. This short book addresses all the important Aging Issues with humor and sincerity. How is aging going for you? GRADE: A
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
ABOUT THIS BOOK — 1
A valentine for the extremely married — 3
Home — 5
Our sensible safe retirement community — 17
Old — 19
Losing it — 32
What’s left — 35
Grow old along with me and my home health aide — 49
A little while — 51
Stop being dead — 65
Counting the dead — 67
What else I remember — 83
Afterward — 85
An afterlife — 99
Happiness — 103
Getting out the vote — 119
Loneliness — 121
A Jewish widow’s country-western love song — 138
Community — 139
Princess Margaret, Pearl Harbor, “daffodils,” etc. — 149
Wisdom — 151
Prescription — 161
Epilogue — 163
A FEW ENDNOTES — 167
Acknowledgments — 173
Right now, aging is ok. I’m still working (planning on retiring in June of 2028–God willing and the creek don’t rise, as the old saying goes). Some health issues, right now manageable. Financially, we’re doing ok (but I still buy a lottery ticket every week, lol). My biggest concerns are existential and concern my children: I’m worried about what the future holds for them. When I look at the dumpster fire going on in the world these days, I can only repeat my mantra: I’m glad I’m old.
Deb, we’re managing out health, too. And, Diane worries about the Future for everyone. I don’t worry much–because that doesn’t do anything–but the world is becoming a more dangerous place.
My kidneys, pancreas and back know how to get my attention.
Todd, my kidneys and pancreas are okay, but I occasionally get a twinge in my back if I Over Do It.
Great title.
Patti, many of Judith Viorst’s books have great titles!
Jackie’s favorite Judith Viorst book isn’t ALEXANDER (which she taught) but EARRINGS! It’s about a girl who wants to get her ears pierced so she can get EARRINGS! She sent the book to all our nieces who had pierced ears.
This one looks good. Aging is mostly going OK (knock on wood), though there are always issues. It’s keeping them minor that is important. Jackie is still trying to avoid a second knee replacement. I have occasional arthritis pain, mainly in my middle fingers but sometimes my right hip. Keep moving is the answer. Otherwise, eat right, don’t smoke or drink, get enough sleep. All things considered, when I look at other people our age, we’re good.
Jeff, I find that it is very helpful to keep moving that middle finger these days.
Jeff, and don’t forget to eat a lot of fiber! Many of our friends have gastronomic problems and I’m convinced a lot of it is their lack of fiber intake.
As someone who will enter the “Final Fifth of Life” later this year, I can only say, “Bring it on!” I have been a lucky widower for a bit more than three years; “lucky” because Kitty is still there, ever present, encouraging me and cheering me on. I may not look it but I am extremely healthy, despite two very minor bouts with cancer and a very minor stroke more than fifteen years ago. I do have mobility problems and have to often use a cane (or two) and I find that I no longer walk — i plod, shamble, and shuffle — but I get where I want to go and when I want to go. My kids get concerned but what do they know? They’re whippersnappers.
I have my books, my family, my friends, a few daily or weekly activities, a houseful of animals, and a marvelous world of wonder and nature in front of me. Thankfully, I am still capable of rage — if I lose that during this current Administration, i am lost. I smile a lot at babies, young children, old folks, and pretty girls (I may be old, but I am not dead). And, yes, I view every woman as beautiful.
I am much healthier than Donald Trump, who lies about his health and everything else. Supposedly, he woke up this morning feeling like a sixteen-year-old; luckily, he could not find one. (Cllosing this comment with a rim shot.)
Jerry, I’m with you on keeping moving every day. The people we know who sit all day in front of their TVs with a remote in their hands tend to have a lot more health problems than we do.
Like Deb, so far, so good. I’m in reasonable health, still able to get around, and enjoying a comfortable existence.
I do have occasional bouts of bittersweet longing for friends and family no longer around. And wondering why I’m still here and they’re not.
I don’t want to be the last man standing. I’ve had a good life. The way the world is now, I’m ready to go whenever my number comes up.
Beth, that’s how Jackie felt when she was teaching – she didn’t want to be the last man standing. She made sure to leave when there was one man left who had been there longer than she was.
Jeff, Diane was offered an incentive to retire at 55. She pondered it, but I convinced her to take the money and run. Then, 12 years later, I was offered an incentive to retire and I took it, too! Neither one of us has any regrets!
Beth, I hope you hang around a lot longer because I think you’re wonderful!
Just wanted to add that we have been following a high fiber diet for the last 17 years. For any of you with stomach issues, it’s a miracle for regularity. We have had no serious health issues so far, continue to get 6 month covid vaccines, yearly flu shot, did pneumonia and shingles shots a few years ago. Except for my lousy knees and a bit of arthritis in my hands, I’m good. The big challenge is losing weight. 10 pounds so farthis year, 25 to go. NO INJECTIONS FOR ME! I walk at least 6500 steps a day.
Jackie
Jackie, your health regimen sounds good! Diane got a new FitBit for Christmas and tries to get 7000 steps per day. I just work out at the Pool each day.
I’ve lost 50 pounds on Ozempic, which I take not for weight loss but diabetes. It’s really helped me there. I tried different shots which I couldn’t tolerate, but Ozempic gives me no problem. My face looks different; I preferred my old round one.
Jeff, I’m on Ozempic, too, and have lost 25 pounds. It’s such a relief not to be hungry all the time!
My endocrinologist recommended Monjaro, also as a means of cutting pounds for the benefit of diabetes recovery, and my kidney function has worsened. So, not so great. Also, CVS was making it difficult to get the shots in the right sequence. Perhaps that was a small gift, perhaps it didn’t help at all.
Todd, I drink a whole lot of water each day. So far, my kidney function is top-notch. Diane had a series of kidney stone attacks about five years ago, but now she drinks as much water as I do each day and the kidney stones are gone!
I’ve always been paranoid about kidney stones so always drink a lot of water.
Jeff, I had one kidney stone when I was 35 and experienced the worst pain in my life. My doctor told me I would “pass” it within hours and to bring him the stone for analysis. It turned out the kidney stone was mostly calcium so I cut down on diary products. I asked my doctor, “How can I avoid getting another kidney stone?” His answer: “Drink a lot of water each day.”
I plan to live right up to the day I die! I’m diabetic, I’ve had open heart surgery, and I’m coping with Immune Mediated Necrotizing Myopathy! I spent a year in a wheelchair and four years under Biden’s corrupt presidency! I know all about bad times and dumpster fires! I just live and let nature take its course!
Bob, you are indeed the Captain of your health ship!
I’ve entered my “Final Fifth of Life” almost three years ago and had some problems ince then, fell down in the house several times and once almost broke my spine and once my left hip so I have to be careful when moving – always use something like a crutch for safety and balance.
Of course not only my bodily functions are reduced but also may brain – I’ve become even more forgetful than I was as a young man, often I just don’t remember a word in English, Hungarian or even German which I’ve used so often, but right now???
And of course I meet people again and forgot their names too.
The crazy thing is that my brain of course still has the word in storage – if you give me a list of five alternatives then I know immediately which one is correct!
But to look at the positive side:
Two days ago my “new” partner (which is just two years younger than me) and I had a little party – It’s been 19 years that we were introduced by a common friend and fell in love immediately.
And we had regular sex for a long, long time …
Wolf, my orthopedic surgeon always ends our sessions with: “Don’t fall.”