Jane Gross, who writes on aging for the New York Times, shows the current state of our broken Elder Care system in A Bitter-Sweet Season. Gross uses her own mother’s decline and death as a case study to make her arguments. Gross’s mother was in her 80s, living independently in Florida when a tumor was found on her spine. Jane Gross and her brother, Michael, move their mother to an assisted living center near them in New York City. From the beginning, things go wrong and the Grosses make Bad Decisions despite their Good Intentions. Moving their mother north meant finding new doctors. Doctors tend not to take on elderly patients covered by Medicare. Jane Gross’s mother’s health care was a jumble of specialists and fragmented testing. ER visits became more numerous. The spiral of more health problems got worse.
If you want a book to help you understand our current, lame, healthcare system A Bitter-Sweet Season accomplishes this in detail. Medicaid, Medicare, long-term health insurance plans, living wills, health care proxies, and dozens of other topics are explored in detail. By seeing the mistakes Jane Gross and her brother made in trying to care for their aging parent, we can all learn how to do it better. And we can start to plan for our own aging issues so that we don’t burden our children or relatives with draconian decisions. GRADE: A
I at first thought oh, my parents are dead now. I don’t need this–and then I thought I do indeed.
A BITTER-SWEET SEASON has plenty of good advice for aging parents, Patti. Diane and I don’t want to be a burden to our kids so we’ll be taking some of Jane Gross’s suggestions. The primary care giver for aging parents is almost always the daughter. We’ll try to make it easier for Katie to care for us.
It seems to me that most children these days care little about their parents – except when they live at home or need a handout – or about preparing for their care. I know neither of my wife’s children have any thought of taking care of their mother, now or ever, nor do they have any resources for it. They still have their hand out, wanting a “little help” with what I consider embarrassing frequency. If they can’t manage their own lives and finances, how on earth could they help us when we needed it?
We, and most parents of our generations these days, I suspect are on our own.
If we’re going to be on our own, then we better have a comprehensive care plan for the inevitable decline in our health, Rick. Even if the kids are clueless, they may be more involved in a parent’s healthcare decisions at the end of Life than that parent would want. Sadly, by that time, the parent may not be able to speak or communicate because of dementia or advanced Alzheimer’s. Then the parent is at the mercy of the healthcare system and those clueless kids.
During the recent debt-ceiling/slash-costs debate, I wish we could have heard the voices of more women like me: Middle-aged “sandwich” generation women who will more than likely be looking after elderly parents (who rely on social security and medicare) while trying to put children through college. Those of us who don’t have the luxury of earning $700,000-plus a year need to make our voices heard because, as George points out, we’re all getting older (and so are our parents–if we’re fortunate enough to still have them here with us).
Exactly, Deb! Being sandwiched between child care and elder care is a tough position to be in. We’re all getting older and we need to do some planning to prepare for our own Golden Years.
Another reason I support euthanasia.
I support euthanasia, too, Bob. But with some controls.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re all heart, Cap’n Bob!
Cap’n Bob has the heart of a small child, Deb. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.
I consider my stance an example of my tender heart, Deb and George. Naturally there would be controls, but we as individuals should have the right to end our lives. If we’re too helpless to do it ourselves, we should be able to have someone do it for us. We do it for our beloved pets, why should family members be denied the option?
Certainly, if I contracted some incurable disease and had only the prospect of pain and suffering and wasting away in front of me, I’d consider a quicker, cleaner exit strategy, Bob.
That’s what I’m saying.
We’re on the same page, Bob. Beth and I both agree pills are the way to go.
My parents have always tended to overplan, if anything, so they are in pretty good shape as far as that goes. They have good health care and very good doctors. But I agree if there are serious decisions to make the burden will fall mainly on one of my sisters, and only partly because she lives the closest to them.
Since we have no kids we have no one to rely on for final decisions other than each other.
Jane Gross is a good writer. Her father was sports columnist Milton Gross and I think she actually started her newspaper career writing sports.
Jane Gross did start off following in her father’s footsteps, Jeff. She started as a sports writer, but then branched off into other areas. She’s very perceptive. I’m not surprised she started to write about aging issues before they became Big Problems.