Lame, moronic, stupid. These are just some of the words that come to mind when I think about my experience watching the dreadful film, KILLERS. Ashton Kutcher plays a spy whose assignment to is terminate an arms dealer in Nice. Katherine Heigl plays an insipid young woman who immediately falls for Kutcher who tells her he’s a “business consultant.” Kutcher decides to “retire” from his profession and live a “normal” life with Heigl as a building contractor. They marry and three years later, all of their neighbors start trying to kill Kutcher and Heigl. What, you say, that doesn’t make any sense? Well, how about Katherine Heigl sitting on a toilet giving herself a pregnancy test? Or Ashton Kutcher who constantly takes his shirt off. Sounds really funny, right? Obviously, the makers of this disaster smoked too much weed during the writing and filming of this piece of crap. Do not attend this movie unless you’re forced to at gun-point. GRADE: F

President Barack Obama visited Carnegie-Mellon University last week. Patrick was one of 22 students invited to attend the President’s speech. Patrick took some pictures during the event. You’ll find them here. By looking at Patrick’s photos, you’ll see how close he got to the President. The closest I came to a President was in 1960 when JFK visited Niagara Falls. My Mom and Dad, good Democrats, took me to the Airport with them to see the President. JFK walked by about 10 feet away from us. Even though I was only 11 years old, it seemed like a Big Deal to me at the time.

JoAnn Falletta is the conductor of the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra. She is also a talented guitarist in her own right. A few years ago, she organized The JoAnn Falletta International Guitar Concerto Competition. Year by year, it has grown in popularity and drawn more talented artists to compete. Diane and I attended the Final Competition last night and loved the wonderful music. Nermanja Ostojic from Serbia played Mario Casteinuovo-Tedesco’s “Concerto in D Major, Opus 9.” Artyom Dervoed from Russia played Rodrigo’s “Concierto de Aranjuez.” Thomas Viloteau from France played Rodrigo’s “Fantasia para un Gentilhombre.” Diane and I voted for Thomas Viloteau, but he came in Third Place. Artyom Dervoed won First Place. If you’re interested in guitar music, this is an event you should consider attending in 2012. For more information, click here.

Keith Laumer is best known for his Retief and BOLO science fiction series. But, from time to time, Laumer would explore other science fiction themes in individual novels. The Infinite Cage begins with a man who’s lost his memory escaping from a police station. The man calls himself “Adam” and runs a gauntlet of social problems: getting a job, learning about women, dealing with corruption. Laumer tells this parable to expose the social problems and inequalities of our culture as Adam tries to “fit in.” Despite Adam’s ability to read minds, his ability to learn a language in minutes, his success in the stock market, disaster after disaster dogs him. If you’re looking for an unusual social parable, give The Infinite Cage a try.

This new edition of Film Noir: The Encyclopedia expands several of the movie descriptions, contains more photos, and in general updates the genre. The last update was in 1993 so this new, Fourth Edition, version should be the reference book of record when it comes to noir. Overlook Press should be commended on putting out such a quality product. If you’re interested in this genre, this book is a must-buy. GRADE: A

In answer to Patti Abbott’s question about what painting represents your taste in reading (at http://pattinase.blogspot.com/), the Jack Vettriano painting above captures my noirish obsessions.

Government conspiracy is at the heart of The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest. And yes, things won’t make much sense unless you’ve read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire before you tackle this 563-page baggy monster. Rumors abound that a large fragment of a fourth novel exists. Stieg Larsson died before he could finish the fourth book of what was planned as a 10 book series. I think all three novels read like First Drafts. Perhaps Larsson died before the books could be edited and that’s why they are so discursive and flawed. But, there’s no denying that Stieg Larsson knew how to tell a story. GRADE: B

The Girl Who Played With Fire is the sequel to The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Yes, you need to read the first book in order to appreciate the second book. I waited until the third book in Stieg Larsson’s “Millennium Trilogy” was published, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest, because I’d read that The Girl Who Played With Fire ended with a cliffhanger and I wasn’t sure I could wait a year until the third volume was published. Stieg Larsson said he considered the three books one Big Book, and he’s right. However, all three books have the same flaws: too many characters, too many digressions, too many weird plot twists. Yet, Larsson’s books have an undeniable power to hold your interest despite the overwriting. The secret is the characters: Mikael Blomkvist, crusading journalist, and Lisbeth Salander, a Goth computer hacker. Together, they battle corrupt politicians, sexual deviants, and criminals. I loved the movie version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and I can’t wait until the movie version of The Girl Who Played With Fire opens on July 2. GRADE: B-