“This book is the moment-by-moment account of the twenty-eight days I spent as the lowest-ranking participant in American education: a substitute teacher. I taught all ages, from kindergartners to twelfth-graders, and all required subjects–reading, writing, math, social students and science–plus a few electives here and there, like metal tech. I taught honors studetns and students in special ed classes–about a thousand children in all.” (p. 1) Why noted writer Nicholas Baker starts (and ends) his substitute career is never fully explained. Baker gets calls at 5:00 A.M. from local schools and he decides if he’s going to teach that day. If I knew someone who was contemplating a teaching career, I’d recommend they read Substitute. Baker doesn’t pull any punches: he accurately describes each day in the classroom–good or bad–and the reader can judge the experience.
The day that most struck me was Day 17 when Nicholson Baker was subbing for an English teacher and had to deal with an unruly class of 10th Graders. The assignment was to watch a video on the Holocaust. It featured Oprah and Elie Wiesel. Depute the photos of horror–piles of bodies, the mounds of empty can of Zyklon B gas–most of the students play with their iPads completely ignoring Baker and his lesson. Baker loses his temper and starts shouting at the rude students, but they just tune him out. Another demonstration of invincible ignorance.
Although I taught for 40 years, there were some surprises for me in Substitute. I had no idea how elementary schools have embraced iPads. It seemed like every kid had one. A number of students tell Baker they can’t do an assignment because they have ADHD. A number of Baker’s students are on a variety of drugs. I credit Nicholson Baker with showing what United States schools look like today. I also credit Baker for toughing out some very difficult situations with students. GRADE: B+
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Preface p. 1
Learning Targets p. 5
Day 1 Small but Hostile p. 15
Day 2 Mystery Picture p. 25
Day 3 I Suck at Everything p. 39
Day 4 Your Brain Looks Infected p. 55
Day 5 Toast p. 73
Day 6 Out Conies the Eyeball p. 91
Day 7 What the Hell Was That? p. 117
Day 8 He’s Just a Hairy Person p. 145
Day 9 I Can Write, but I Don’t Write p. 169
Day 10 Don’t Kill Penguins Cause Other Friends Get Sad p. 205
Day 11 She Stole My Grape p. 239
Day 12 I Don’t Judge p. 257
Day 13 There’s Nothing Exciting or Fun Happening Today p. 305
Day 14 When You Close Your Eyes and Think of Peace, What Do You See? p. 355
Day 15 But We Didn’t Do Anything p. 397
Day 16 Silent Ball p. 439
Day 17 Non-Negotiables p. 465
Day 18 The Man Who Needs It Doesn’t Know It p. 491
Day 19 Simple Machines p. 519
Day 20 Stink Blob to the Rescue p. 523
Day 21 Keep Your Dear Teacher Happy p. 561
Day 22 He Particularly Doesn’t Like This Particular Spot p. 595
Day 23 HOW DO You Spell Juicy? p. 625
Day 24 Hamburger Writing p. 635
Day 25 High on Summertime p. 645
Day 26 I Kind of Break My Own Spirit Sometimes p. 655
Day 27 That’s Just the Way School Is p. 687
Day 28 Plutonic Love p. 713
