Plenty of people experienced “downward mobility” during the Pandemic. Annabelle Gurwitch encounters a divorce after 22 years of marriage, the loss of her health insurance, the death of her parents, and dealing with her trans college child who’s in rehab for a drug problem.
Anyone coping with financial insecurity, renting to dubious tenants, and trying to get back into the dating scene will relate to Gurwitch’s situation.
My favorite chapter in You’re Leaving When? is “Lubepocalypse Now!” Gurwitch is pressured by her friends and her sister to get back into the dating game. But first, she has to overcome a number of issues.
The first issue is Gurwitch’s sleep “requirements”: “I must have a firm wedge between my knees, a smoosh cushion to lean into, a sturdy bolster supporting my spine, and a sloped Temper-Pedic travel pillow angled under my neck. Also, I prefer to be cocooned in a heavy down comforter or two. I am partial to sleeping in socks, a knitted hat, a scarf (if the room is drafty), and a night guard to prevent TMJ clenching.” (p. 132). I hesitate to speak for men in general, but I’m guessing most guys would not find this sexy. And, most guys would probably categorize Gurwitch as “high maintenance.”
Despite all the problems confronting her, I admire Annabelle Gurwitch’s resilience and tenacity. Her dreams of “coasting” into retirement blow up and her life is turned upside down. Yet, time after time, Gurwitch finds ways to overcome disasters with grit and adaptability. Her story is inspiring. GRADE: B+
Table of Contents:
Introduction: I Thought There’d Be Coasting 3
Homeward Bound 13
Stuffed 21
Silver Nesting 33
Red Flags 41
The _____ That Changes Everything 57
If You Lived with Me You’d Be Home by Now 73
Spirited Away 95
They Got the Alias That We’ve Been Living Under 111
Lubepocalypse Now! 129
Dear Girlfriends 149
You’re Doing All the Right Things, Everything Is Going to Work Out 157
Free to Be … They and Them 173
You’re Leaving When? 183
In a Muted Zoom No One Can Hear You Scream 199
Acknowledgments 211
High maintenance is being kind and she wears ugly shoes. I have seen her on Bill Maher’s show. She does sound entertaining.
Steve, Annabelle Gurwitch’s humor runs through YOU’RE LEAVING WHEN? But after reading about her plight and then seeing how Gurwitch spends her money, I venture to say her goal of a “comfortable” retirement is out of her reach.
Shoes aren’t really sexy for some of us, at any given time. The ones she wears in the photo above look mildly uncomfortable…but all remotely high heels do.
The recent caterwauling by by Tucker Carlson about the End of Sexy Shoes for the Newly Androgynous M&Ms ad animation seemed at least as much a cry for help as a pathetic attempt to couch in wit the notion that women really should suffer to be Pretty for Daddy.
I think I would find this book stressful as opposed to entertaining or funny. It reminds me of something I read a few years ago: less than 50% of American adults have at least $400 in savings and any unexpected bill (vehicle repair, medical condition, broken appliance) would send them into a financial tailspin. I know she’s trying to put a good face on things, but divorced, broke, and (based on the above photo) homeless is nowhere I want to be…or read about.
Deb, you’re right about most Americans having inadequate savings. I had several students tell me they were broke and living in their cars…yet they sported tattoos and piercings. Part of the problem concerns the abysmal lack of knowledge about money and finance. Gurwitch has cash flow…but then she makes some dubious purchases. The photo of Gurwich and her furniture relates to the chapter in YOU’RE LEAVING WHEN where she tries to make some much needed money selling her “stuff.”
Tats and piercings aren’t All That expensive. I’ll never get any, but I am not much of a fashion plate, nor at all fond of needles. They are decreasingly problematic in getting one a customer service job, particularly in the current climate.
Todd, I would never get a tattoo or piercings, either. Why invite infections?
Agree with Deb on this one.
George, I’m frequently astonished by the things you come up with to read. I suspect that only someone who can blow through a book a day would read some of this stuff, and this would be a perfect example. It’s pretty amazing that someone managed to stick with Gurwich for 22 years.
Michael, my reading is swayed by reviews. YOU’RE LEAVING WHEN? garnered a positive review in our local newspaper. And, I’m always curious about how people deal with issues like financial insecurity, divorce, and children with addictions. Gurwitch infuses her book with humor, but she’s trapped in a swirling financial mess.
She sounds spunky. I like spunky.
Patti, you picked the right word to describe Annabelle Gurwitch: spunky. Her problems would have crushed most people, but Gurwitch finds ways to overcome many of them with humor and grit.
Jackie wants to know how you came up with this book too. She agrees with Deb. No way would she read this. “High maintenance” sounds like an understatement. I don’t fault her for that, though, because you have to do what you feel comfortable with, though I think if she is serious about “dating” she better compromise some of her so-called “needs.” I know she would not be for me, but then, I doubt I’d be for her either.
You’re right about finances and spending. I see these people with no or minimum wage jobs yet with brand new high end iPhones. I guess they consider those to be necessities. As far as the pandemic goes, we went the other way. Our financial situation has never been better. There is something to be said for staying home for 18 months and not spending anything other than money for food and Jackie’s almost daily Ammazon deliveries. No Florida, no theater, no concerts, no other travel, things add up. Now we’re in a position where money si not a consideration for most things.
Jeff, same here. Diane and my financial situation improved during the Pandemic. We have ZERO debt. My stocks–mostly oil and banks and pharmaceuticals–are all up significantly. And, every three months, stock dividends get added to my account. Yes, I probably spend too much on books, Blu-rays, and music CDs. But I enjoy all of them so as Marie Kondo says, you have to go with things that bring you joy.
Tell Jackie that our local newspaper ran a very positive review of YOU’RE LEAVING WHEN? so I ordered it from the Library. After reading about all of Annabelle Gurwitch’s problems, I felt lucky that Diane and I don’t have to deal with all the stress she’s under.
Jeff, has Jackie read any – or all – of Rosamunde Pilcher’s books? Have read her short stories?
No and no, Rick. I do remember my mother being a fan. We were out all afternoon and evening visiting cousins.
The problem with downward mobility is that it can always go downer.
Welcome to the TerrorDome. Thank Goodness we don’t have national health services, of course (though ours might well be poorly administered if we did, as a means of Post Officing it into oblivion).
Jerry, you are so right. There really is no bottom to poverty.
Annabelle Gurwitch being a long-term media crush of mine, even a comically elaborated list of perfect sleeping gear isn’t a turn-off…frankly, the sleeping isn’t the sexy part of one’s night moves. It would be difficult for me to see her as unsexy, in toto.
Sympathies for “being on the market” again romantically, but a small, endlessly optimistic bit of me sees an opportunity that will be wasted, but could improbably not be.
Todd, I’m sure Annabelle Gurwitch would attract attention from some men who value intelligence, humor, and wit. My sleep situation, with my CPAP and hoses, skates close to Gurwitch’s.
As someone who can fall asleep damned near anywhere, and who has apparently somehow ceased snoring recently (Alice tells me), in that one area, I might be about as low-maint as a person gets. Gurwitch, though looking thinner than she used to (not quite anorectic above, but perhaps all the worries have contributed), has always been easy for me to watch/look at, as well as listen to and read. I’m sure she won’t be lacking for company too much longer than she actually wants. Apparently, the divorce went through in 2017. I haven’t been keeping up.
Her podcast series, TINY VICTORIES: https://maximumfun.org/podcasts/tiny-victories/
Todd, thanks for the link! Yes, stress can contribute to weight loss. After reading YOU’RE LEAVING WHEN? I firmly believe Gurwitch suffers from too much stress in her Life.
There’s no way in Hell I’d waste my time on this bilge!