Diane’s mother, Helen Gage, died in her bedroom with her family around her. Helen lived with us for 16 years. For most of those years, Helen was healthy and mobile. But in 2015 there was a relentless decline. Helen fell. Her deafness increased. She suffered from macular degeneration and osteoporosis. Helen weighed 70 pounds at the end. She had trouble keeping any food down. Breathing was labored. Helen woke up one morning and asked Diane and Katie, “Is the horror over?”
Having a daughter who works for hospice made the whole end-of-life process much easier to bear. Katie knew what was going on and helped us deal with the various hospice nurses and assistants who came to help Helen. Hospice services allowed Helen to die pain-free in her own bed–not in a hospital room–and with her family by her side.
Living to 96 is quite a feat. But much credit goes to Diane who provided world-class care-giving for many of those years. At the end, caring for Helen was 24/7 yet somehow Diane managed it. She deserves all the accolades I can shower on her. And Patrick’s calming presence helped all of us cope with the finality of the event.
Helen is at peace now. We have to deal with the heart-ache of her absence.
Very well put. Hope you are dealing with the loss as best you can at this time of year. I have been with others who have suffered a similar “relentless decline” over the course of a single year, and the best you can say about it is that it doesn’t last any longer.
Dan, thanks for your kind words. Diane was becoming overwhelmed by Helen’s relentless decline, but Hospice helped enormously at the end.
R. I. P., Helen. George, I think you also deserve a lot of credit for her care over the last 16 years.
Bill, Diane bore the brunt of the care-giving. I pitched in when needed. It was hard on all of us during these last months.
I second everything Bill said, and – obviously – agree with your analysis. Diane (and you) did a wonderful thing and you both provided a wonderful, loving home for Helen over the last 16 years. I remember how friendly she was when we met her. It was obvious from what you said at Raleigh that the end was probably close, but would we all take 96 years, especially when 95 of them were so good?
Condolences to Diane and all of you.
Jeff, thanks for your condolences. When we spoke in Raleigh, I knew Helen was going downhill fast. But, she held on to see Patrick and Katie who came home for Christmas.
Well, this was a sad post to read although for Helen’s sake, I am glad her ordeal is over. Oddly I have another friend named Dianne, whose mother is also 96 and is going through the same final days. Diane is a saint. I hope she is kind on herself. Take a trip.
Patti, I agree: Diane is a saint. How many people die peacefully in their own beds at the age of 96? Diane made Helen comfortable and pain-free.
Most sincere condolences to all of you, George. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and the family, especially Diane, at this difficult time.
Rick, we appreciate your condolences. The past few months have been a struggle for Diane watching her mother’s health deteriorate.
What a beautiful tribute–not just to your mother-in-law but also to your wife and children who also contributed to making their mother’s/grandmother’s end a peaceful one. My prayers are with you and your family.
We cared for Kitty’s mother during her last three years and my sister took care of our mother during her final year and a half. Both women died at home where they wanted to be — a final gift that most would choose if possible. That you and Diane were able to give that gift to her mother speaks volumes, George. You are blessed to have such a kind and wonderful family. You are all in our thoughts and prayers as you each move forward with memories of Helen.
Jerry, your words are very true. Giving a dying parent the gift of a peaceful and pain-free exit without the institutional settings of a hospital or nursing home means a lot to the family and parent.
I’m sorry for your loss. She was lucky to have such a loving, caring family.
Maggie, you’ve done a lot of care-giving so you know what we were going through.
What a touching memorial, George! Obviously, Mrs. Gage did something right to have a wonderful daughter like Diane.
I’ll remember all of you in my prayers.
Beth, Diane’s care-giving for her mother became a 24/7 struggle the last few months. Helen qualified for Hospice in October and the Hospice nurses and bathers and social workers all helped immensely.
My sincere condolences too!.
It’s always a sad story to lose a family member, but I think you should concentrate on remembering the many good years you had together.
And having lived 95 good years is quite an accomplishment!
Let’s all hope that we’ll get near that number – probably not …
Wolf, my son Patrick is delivering the Eulogy at Helen’s memorial service today. There won’t be a dry eye in the house.
George, I’m truly sorry for your family’s loss. Please convey my condolences to your wife.
Prashant, Diane says to thank you for kind words.
I’m so sorry for your and your family’s loss, George. It would be hard anyway, but especially so given that she was such a daily part of your lives. She was a blessed woman to have such good family.
Carl, thanks for those kind words. Helen was a big part of our life for 16 years. We feel her absence every day.
It’s a loss but also a relief. Helen is in a better place and you have your lives back.
Bob, you’re right. Our lives are going to be Very Different now.
I am sorry for your family’s loss, Dr. Kelley. It is so difficult to watch a loved one’s health deteriorate.
Lauren, your kind wishes mean a lot to us.