I’ve been a fan of Allison Moorer’s wonderful singing for decades. When I learned Moorer had written I Dream He Talks to Me: A Memoir of Learning How to Listen about her autistic son, John Henry, I had to read it.
Moorer starts off her story with her joy at the birth of her son. But soon afterward, Moorer started to notice some disturbing developmental changes in John Henry. He stopped saying words. When Moorer took John Henry to specialists, they assured her that John Henry was not autistic. Moorer did her own research–“I read every book written on autism”–and concluded John Henry was autistic.
Moorer sought out doctors specializing in autism and learned more about the changes John Henry was undergoing. Moorer doesn’t pull any punches. She describes John Henry’s tantrums. She talks about her lack of sleep (John Henry wakes up in the middle of the night and starts roaming around in her house). The account of Moorer trying to take a shower while John Henry attempts to escape the bathroom is gut-wrenching. John Henry cannot be left alone or chaos results.
What comes through I Dream He Talks to Me is Allison Moorer’s unconditional love for her son. No matter how difficult the situation–and Moorer contends with dozens of difficult situations in this book–Moorer finds the strength and determination to deal with it and to help her son.
If you’re in the mood for an inspiring and powerful chronicle of a mother facing problem after problem, but never giving up on her son, I highly recommend I Dream He Talks to Me. GRADE: A
TABLE OF CONTENTS:
Dear John Henry — 1
Below the belt — 3
The feeling foot — 9
A guide to getting through — 15
When you stare — 25
Fine — 31
Dream #1 — 42
Sick — 43
The wormhole — 49
Grace note — 55
Snow day — 61
Dream #2 — 68
Awe — 69
Ho ho hum — 71
The breath — 88
Functional behavior assessment — 105
Promises — 117
Ten minutes — 129
The line — 133
Shift change — 145
The day we went to the moon — 161
Dream #3 — 180
This part is the worst part — 181
The tender thread — 187
Mornings — 197
Water pressure — 199
St. Jude lives in the garden now — 205
Dream #4 — 208
Terms of surrender — 211
Acknowledgements — 225
I’ve worked with special needs students who are on the severe end of the autism spectrum for close to 15 years now (and my oldest daughter is at the high-functioning end of the spectrum) and the best way I can describe autism is to say imagine that your brain is unable to prioritize the sensory information that your body receives so that every piece of sensory data has exactly the same weight: the humming of the refrigerator or overhead lights is taking up just as much of your processing as the beeping of a car horn, music on the radio, the smell of food, the tag in the back of your shirt, the person talking to you, a dog barking, bright sunlight, etc. With no ability to actually determine which of these needs to be paid attention to and which of these can be safely ignored, it’s easy to understand how quickly you can become overwhelmed and frustrated and act out with tantrums or retreat into a bubble. The good news is that autism can now be diagnosed at a very young age (lack of eye contact with a parent’s face or not responding to a parent’s voice are usually the first indications) and age-appropriate interventions can be initiated, including non-verbal communication methods (voice boxes, sign language, pictorial icons), to help make things easier for the person with autism and their caregivers. But it’s still a challenge and a lifetime commitment.
Deb, you are a wonderful person and the world needs more people as aware as you are.
Jerry, you are so right! Deb is a gem!
Deb, I admire you working with special needs students. You, better than the rest of us, knows what Allison Moorer is going through. Moorer was given the wrong Diagnosis early on John Henry’s condition and only through persistence was able to identify where he was on the autism spectrum.
My nephew is, like Lilly, on the high end of the autism spectrum. My sister (also her husband) was on top of things early and a very vocal advocate. She and a fellow mother of an autistic child (this one non-verbal) actually brought – and won -a major lawsuit against Arizona for caregivers, payments, etc. C.J. is doing great, is in college now, has two jobs, and has come a tremendous distance since he was three or four. (He’s 21 now.) But none of it was easy.
Jeff, I love to hear success stories like this! So many autism stories concern the problems both the parents and the kids encounter.
You do not give on family. Ever.
give up on
I have a friend whose daughter was not diagnosed with autism until her thirties. The frustration of dealing with the school system (and my friend was a teacher) on her kid’s behalf was soul-crushing. And paranoia makes it hard for her kid to deal with the world at all. So she basically doesn’t, seldom leaving her apartment. Getting her vaccinated took months of work. Convincing her that she isn’t being watched is another triggering issue.
Patti, your friend’s daughter faces a world mostly incomprehensible to her. That would make anyone paranoid.
Interesting that there is no mention in the review of the child’s father, Steve Earle. We’ve gone the last four years to Earle’s annual benefit concerts for John Henry’s school in Manhattan. He always has the head of the school (where the kids are pretty much one to one with staff) talking about what the school does and how the kids are taught, etc. Earle and Moorer were married from 2005 to 2014.
Jeff, Allison Moorer’s reference to her marriage to Steve Earle was that it ended because they disagreed.
I used to work with a former womanfriend of Earle’s, one of the few decent people at that job, for a few months in the early 90s. Impressive people all around…Tacy my colleague, Moorer, Earle. And presumably the latter two’s kid, to the best of his ability.