Samantha Irby is American comedian, essayist, blogger, and television writer. Irby announces her bisexual nature in several of her articles and Life stories in We Are Never Meeting in Real Life and Quietly Hostile. My favorite article in both volumes is “Dave Matthew’s Greatest Romantic Hits.” Yes, Samantha is a Superfan of Dave Matthews music and presents her choices of Matthew’s 14 best romantic songs. Here’s a sample of Samantha’s unfiltered sensibilities and writing style (WARNING: R-Rated!):

#8: “Say Goodbye”

(might be too depressing to bone to, not for me though)

most romantic lyric, to me: “Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight”

“This song is so horny, and that’s hilarious because dude is literately saying, over and over again, ‘Hey, friend. I would love to bone you, I’m feeling wild, sexy sex sex, but just for tonight because tomorrow we’re saying goodbye.” Tonight? Lovers. 😉 Tomorrow? FRIENDS. 🙁

It’s so funny and honest and literally the way dirtbag men are in real life, which is a rare thing to find in a pop song as it is when some dude is unbuckling his belt on your couch. He will have his tongue buried in your asshole up to your fucking pancreas saying, ‘We’re just friends, right?’ He’ll be flipping you on the mattress like a pancake and pause with you in midair like, ‘I don’t want to be tied down in a relationship, this is just for fun, okay?’ It’s infuriating in practice but hilarious in song form, a man crooning about smoking you down and loving you up in his sweetest coo and then at the end being like…tonight only, though.” (p. 24)

Both books reveal Samantha’s fears and battles with depression and anxiety. Yes, there’s plenty of uncensored humor in these articles and Samantha tells the reader plenty about her Life in intimate detail. Some of you may find Samantha’s analysis of Sex and the City episodes (similar in format to the Dave Matthews romantic song article…and just as funny) hilarious and insightful.

Samantha doesn’t shy away from being outrageous about aspects of her Life. But if you’re in the mood for tales into a very different lifestyle and sensibility, I recommend reading We Are Never Meeting in Real Life and Quietly Hostile. They are very different from most tell-all books. GRADE: B+ (for both)

TABLE OF CONTENTS:
My Bachelorette application 3
A blues for Fred 18
The miracle porker 31
Do you guys pay your fucking bills or what? 40
You don’t have to be grateful for sex 53
A Christmas carol 65
Happy birthday 76
A case for remaining indoors 93
A total attack of the heart 104
A civil union 117
Mavis 128
Fuck it, bitch, stay fat 142
Nashville hot chicken 171
I’m in love and it’s boring 185
A bomb, probably 196
The real housewife of Kalamazoo 206
Thirteen questions to ask before getting married 220
Yo, I need a job 237
Feelings are a mistake 250
We are never meeting in real life. 262
ACKNOLWLEDGEMENTS 273

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

I like it! — 3

The last normal day — 9

David Matthew’s greatest romantic hits — 22

Club Street diet — 36

My firstborn dog — 50

Body horror! — 64

Two old nuns having amzing [sic] lesbian sex — 78

QVC, ILYSM — 100

Superman!!!!!!! — 117

I like to get high at night and think about whales — 150

Oh, so you actually don’t wanna make a show about a horny fat bitch with diarrhea? Okay! — 152

What if I died like Elvis — 189

Shit happens — 214

Food fight — 229

O brother, where art thou? — 235

How to look cool in front of teens? — 248

We used to get dressed up to go to Red Lobster — 266

Please invite me to your party — 282

Acknowledgments — 289